Three Useful (And Dishonest) Ways to Hop Off Your Zoom Call Early

Ugh, who knew? Who knew we’d somehow land in a world where video conferencing was no longer a thing we did for fun, but an obligation at work and with friends on a…daily basis?! The Zoom fatigue is real, and as much as you love your iPhone, you definitely need time away from those now seemingly devilish screens. But fear not, there are ways out! They may seem risky, but hey, we’re in no-man’s land and anything goes (except tying that flannel around your waist for no reason when it’s still warm out, why was that ever even a thing?) Here are some easy and sure-fire ways to hop off your Zoom call early, guaranteed to not only convince your friends and coworkers you can’t be online anymore, but also to shake them up a little bit. 

1. Boldly shout out of nowhere, “Oh no, there’s a fire!” Make sure to quickly exit the call, so there’s literally no time for the others to see that it’s simply a scented candle burning next to you. You can always say later, “I thought it was spreading, my bad.”

2. “Sorry, I didn’t get any sleep last night.” Bullshit. You are so well-rested, and ready for a Netflix marathon, but people totally empathize with the no sleep thing, so this one is sure to assuage the crowds. 

3. “The mascara goop in the corner of my eye is blinding me, I can’t see! Hold on…” then Irish exit. After the Zoom meeting is over, send a text to the group and say, “Lol, false alarm. Neutrogena makeup remover wipes did the trick!” Yeah, they may laugh at you, but who can argue with a poor, innocent woman going blind?

Now these aren’t to be used lightly, but only in emergencies. Tread carefully, ladies, don’t bring out the big guns unless you truly are Zoomed-out. We’ve all been there, so I hope these suggestions were useful for you. Omg, what a time.

Anna Snapp
Author: Anna Snapp
Anna is a Brooklyn-based actor and writer, trying to figure which is more important to her: taking down the men on dating apps who refer to themselves as "humble", or watching enough terrible reality TV to officially lessen her value. Anna believes in progressive politics, Dua Lipa, and mediocre boxes of Sauvignon Blanc.