Ultra Feminist Mom Hides Pink Razors So Son Doesn’t Find Out She Secretly Shaves

If you are one of those moms who insists on making sure you male offspring will not become the next generation of Chads, this story will resonate with you.

Heidi Laufenstauer from Madison, Wisconsin, tells us “As the mom of a male-identifying child, it is really important to me that Tanner grows up with a solid respect for female-identifying folks. I have always shown him that he needs to have complete respect for women, and modeled that behavior ever since he was a baby. In our house you will never hear us say anything bad about any woman, not even that bitch Becca across the road who I am sure broke into my Subaru and stole my #Blacklivesmatter sign.

Whenever Tanner asks me about sex, I explain that really the only thing he needs to know is that all people involved are fully consenting. I have tried to explain the importance of the female orgasm, but he seems to be a little shy now that he’s turned 9. I want Tanner to understand that he should always believe women, and so I have never lied to him about anything. It has made for a somewhat boring Christmas every year, but the money we save on presents we donate to Planned Parenthood in his name.

Thing is, I do have a little secret: I like shaving my legs, even if it goes against everything I believe in. Hair is a feminist issue, of course, but I just cannot resist those pretty pink razors and how smooth they make my legs feel. I have been secretly shaving my legs for years and have always had to hide the razors as well as my legs, so as not to confuse Tanner. The other day he almost found one of my razors but fortunately he only found my vibrator, so that was much easier to explain.

Lalita Dee
Author: Lalita Dee
Lalita Dee is a writer and comedian originally from Amsterdam. Her observational and narrative humor describes her queer experiences as she navigates her way through the US, the heteropatriarchy, and single motherhood. Her humor has been described as “intelligently hilarious” as well as “some feminist BS."