Wait, If There’s a Vaccine, Does That Mean I Have to Start Going Out and Wearing Bras Again?

Well, I mean…it’s great. It truly is. This is the vaccine we’ve been waiting for, for a year. But somehow, you’re a little hesitant. Not because you don’t want our world to heal, but because you’ve gotten incredibly used to being a bra-less homebody—somebody you never thought you’d become. Pre-COVID, you were a party animal; happy hours nearly every weekday, clubbing on the weekends, doing a full face of makeup, and straightening your hair for work. Oh but, sweetie, honey, that has all changed. You’ve seen true comfort and you never want to go back. You’ve seen titties swingin’, you’ve seen major couch time in front of Netflix, and you’ve seen not being obligated to see your friends’ friends who you never really liked. Now, this is the life you’ve been waiting for, this is true glory. 

But, the vaccine has arrived, there’s nothing you can do. Maybe you can switch to a stepping stone bra—a “bralette”? You know, those bras that aren’t sports bras—more like training bras we used to wear when we were eleven years old. They’re more comfortable, but less support, so they’re not as damn annoying to wear? Sigh, it feels so hard anyway. 

But yeah, maybe you can ease your way in. Do one social gathering a month, then two, then three, etc., etc. But that still feels rough. Do you still have to do makeup? Not let your wild mane head dry naturally? Take off your sweatpants and wear…real pants?

Honestly, this all feels like too much. Yes, absolutely thrilled we are starting to chip away at this absolutely atrocious illness, but…your left and right breasts aren’t ready for that sort of commitment. You’re going to have to give them a serious pep talk. You know, get them to rise to the occasion. Maybe they’ll have to give you one too though…

Anna Snapp
Author: Anna Snapp
Anna is a Brooklyn-based actor and writer, trying to figure which is more important to her: taking down the men on dating apps who refer to themselves as "humble", or watching enough terrible reality TV to officially lessen her value. Anna believes in progressive politics, Dua Lipa, and mediocre boxes of Sauvignon Blanc.