Which is Worse: Being Buried Alive or South Dakota?

Okay fine, the title may seem extreme. You might think to yourself, “But South Dakota is just a state! How can it be worse than one of the worst ways to go?” 

Well, let me tell you. Not only is South Dakota a red state, with over sixty percent of its population voting for the devil this past November, but hate to break it to you; those Dakotans over there have been neglecting the realities of this pandemic. They didn’t cancel their state fair which didn’t require masks, they held a motorcycle rally with hundreds of thousands of attendees this past summer, and guess what? Their hospitalization rates, along with the other goddamn Dakota, were rated as the worst in the world in November. I know I should technically feel sorry for them, but this was a self-inflicted wound. Text the fuckboy after screwing you over three times? He’ll screw you over again. Don’t wear masks and social distance? You’ll get COVID-19. It’s just common sense. They are the “my body, my choice” people—but not in the good way. Ironic how they stole the phrase they had been beating down for so long. Who’s going to sue? You or me?

But let’s get to the real argument at hand. How is it worse than being buried alive? When dirt is piling over you, entering your lungs, suffocating you to death (while you have a complete awareness of what’s going on), yeah, it’s bad. Some might say it’s even worse than drowning—the pure weight of the earth crushing your lungs—okay yeah, that sucks. 

But like, what even is South Dakota? One of those states I forget about, to be honest. When they “contribute” to the world, it’s only to wear American flag shirts with an eagle on them. What even is that? Who sent the memo that that was a good look anyway? You might as well be wearing cargo shorts. Oh wait, they are. 

I can forget them all I want. Then, when they’re finally in the news, it’s only to say they are spreading the deadliest virus we have known in over a century. This may seem harsh, but just like that fuckboy that screwed you over, they’re screwing us over, and I can’t help but make these extreme comparisons. Don’t @ me. 

Anna Snapp
Author: Anna Snapp
Anna is a Brooklyn-based actor and writer, trying to figure which is more important to her: taking down the men on dating apps who refer to themselves as "humble", or watching enough terrible reality TV to officially lessen her value. Anna believes in progressive politics, Dua Lipa, and mediocre boxes of Sauvignon Blanc.