Woman Invents Sheet Mask That Makes Your Face Tasty for Your Cats When You Die

We recently got our hands on an exclusive excerpt, from an exclusive interview, with an exclusively rising star in the Posthumus-skin care world in this month’s edition of Vanity Mirror Fair. 

Braxli smiled warmly as she sat down across from me at the adorable cafe that I had always wanted to try. My smile back was lost behind my mask. 

“Hi, Braxli?” 

“Yes! And that’s Braxli with an I, for your article.”  

I jotted that down as the server approached, draped in PPE, to take our drink orders. Braxli ordered first. 

“Can I just get some hot water with lemon and honey,” she said, her hand resting on the server’s arm to exert her friendliness. 

The server struggled for a moment to write our order while wearing gloves, but eventually managed and moved on. 

“For my readers not familiar with your skincare line, please tell us what it is your company is all about.” 

“You are so sweet for asking that! Cat-aclism is a line of sheet masks that make your face tasty, so if you happen to die, your cat can snack on it! There are a surprising number of women that are happy to have their faces smell like stale tuna water in order to give their furry best friend one last treat, should they maybe trip on their cat and die.” 



“And you developed this formula yourself, correct?” 

“Yes! I was making a tuna sandwich, with mayonnaise, when my roommate came in and tripped over our cat, Glen. On her way down, she bumped her head and fell face first into my sandwich. I forgave her for ruining my sandwich and went to bed. When I woke up the next day, she had decided to die, leaving her face to be partially eaten by Glen. And it was just like wow, I did that! I made her face tasty enough for Glen to enjoy. She loved that cat and I know she would  have wanted him to have one more treat on her way out, so I’m glad I could do that for her. And that’s when it hit me… Tuna flavored sheet masks! I mean, how do you say no when the universe is bending over backwards to send you a  message about what you’re meant to do with your life?” 

“That’s really inspirational.” 

“I know.” 

The server returned with our drinks. Braxli spit the gum she’d been chewing into a receipt from her purse and handed it to our server. The server left with her gum, and I removed my mask to take a sip of my drink. 

“And that’s what I want, you know? I want people to feel inspired, because really, if I can start a face mask empire with nothing but a great idea and a 250 thousand dollar loan from my parents, anyone can!” 

Make sure to check out the full interview in this month’s edition of Vanity Mirror Fair.

Kayla Esmond
Author: Kayla Esmond
Kayla is a comedian and butch bisexual from Texas, currently raising 4 cats and a million plants with her boyfriend and multiple roommates in LA. She's a wine mom with no kids and strong opinions on the gender dynamics of serial killers.