Woman Miraculously Kicks Habit of Crying in Her Car By Just Driving Less

“I used to cry in my car twice a day, everyday,” said 35 year-old Samantha Edwards. “But now I never cry behind the wheel. Mostly because I haven’t really been driving all that much.”

Like many Americans, Edwards was laid off in March due to Covid-19, and she’s since been surviving on unemployment and the hope that her blog about sad cupcakes will start to generate some income.

“When most people put a face on a cupcake, they make it a happy face. But I think that it’s better to eat a sad-faced cupcake because it truly allows you to eat your feelings in a visceral way,” said Edwards while casually wiping away a tear.

When asked if driving itself had been the cause of her daily waterworks, Edwards shook her head. “Watching the way people in Los Angeles drive is an important reminder that nobody’s perfect. Like, I’m bad at macrame, and that asshole who just cut me off is bad at using a turn signal. I tend to meditate on that as I drive and then I start to feel better about myself,” she

According to Edwards, the real culprit for her tears was more likely a combination of anxiety and her one regret of turning down Dennis Butts when he asked her to the prom in 2003. “I was embarrassed by his last name,” admitted Edwards with a sniff. “But he’s a rocket scientist now and he makes so much money. We could have gotten married. I could have been rich Mrs.Butts. And Mrs. Butts would have NEVER driven a Ford Fiesta.”

She then looked up at the ceiling and shook her head as if she were questioning how God could have allowed her to be so
stupid. Now that Edwards has rid herself of her car-crying habit, she has been able to fill her time with other activities. “These days I tend to drink my coffee at the kitchen table and stare out the window. And then I cry at the kitchen table. I also cry in the shower.”

Courtney Blomquist
Courtney is comedian, writer, and occasional photographer in Los Angeles. She's a little bit basic, but also a little bit rad, so it all evens out in the end.