Woman Trying Not To Start a Whole Thing With Roommate Gets Sucked Into a Whole Thing With Roommate

Sources have recently revealed that despite concentrated efforts to avoid such a situation, 24-year-old Amber Johnson has gotten sucked into a whole thing with her roommate, 23-year-old Eloise McCoy. In a situation described by Amber as “the WORST possible outcome,” she has unfortunately been drawn into a passive-aggressive confrontation with her worst roommate.

Eloise refused to comment, but has been posting Lorde songs playing over pictures of her crying on her Instagram story, with the caption “It feels like everyone is trying to take me down in my OWN APARTMENT.” This was said on record, on Instagram, for all to see. Not even the Close Friends section; on the full-blown public story for all to see. When asked what prompted such a dramatic turn of events, Eloise responded with a gif of a puppy looking sad and threatened to sue.

Amber, by all accounts a normal person, gave us the facts.

“Oh my GOD, she always does this. I sent a text to our roommate group chat and asked if people would just do their dishes because it was getting gross. That’s literally all I said. Now she’s sending me the bill from her therapist.”

Screenshots and a bill from a trained psychologist and conflict mediator confirmed this side of the story. Eloise remains unavailable for comment, or dishwashing, but loud sobbing can be heard from her room as soon as anyone tries to enter to negotiate this situation. 

“She sent me a text saying I ‘ruined her October’ which is ‘offensive’ since she’s ‘a Libra.’ All because I asked her to clean up the ecosystem she created in our sink.”

When we reached out to the two other roommates residing with Amber and Eloise, they both refused to comment on the record. One, who shall remain nameless, said “I’m not getting sucked into a whole thing with her. The theatrics, oh my God. You should see it here when we all have our period at the same time.” 

Amber has assured us that this was not her intended outcome and is at a loss.

“So am I supposed to apologize for asking her to do chores? She eats my Joe-Joe’s all the time. Those are the Oreos from Trader Joe’s. I’m gonna bill her for all my JoeJoe’s if she keeps doing this. She ALWAYS eats them and thinks I won’t notice. I notice. What kind of person wouldn’t notice? Does she think Joe-Joe’s grow on TREES?”

Maybe, but we’ll likely never know, as Eloise has not left her room during daylight hours for over four days and is threatening to move out via Instagram DM. Sometimes, the best roommate is one who has moved away. Good luck, ladies!

Callie Webb
Author: Callie Webb
Callie is a comedian, human being, and woman. She has a fondness for George Michael and videos of unlikely animal friendships.