You introduced yourself with them, they’re in every social media bio you have, and you even have a quirky little pin on your denim jacket that says “THEY/THEM.” Most of your buddies have gotten it right from the get-go, but there’s one little lady that seems to try to get them wrong.
You know her, you love her, and you love to hate her. She’s wearing LuluLemon leggings, her favorite celebrities all have first names that start with “K,” and her boyfriend is fiscally conservative and socially liberal. You guessed it! It’s that girl who can remember every TikTok dance but cannot remember your pronouns.
“Listen, I am just soooo forgetful,” area TikTok dancer Sabrina Hale said. “And honestly, you have to forgive me. This is so confusing! Anyways, I have to go learn a minute-long dance that’s all hands like I am a contortionist on America’s Got fucking Talent.”
But you don’t have to forgive Sabrina. She’s not forgetful. One scroll of her social media and you can see that woman has copy and pasted Megan thee Stallion’s discography into her brain and her bones. If she can do that, why can’t she remember a simple pronoun or two?
“I hear you and I am listening, but I only have one brain cell and it’s currently holding the ‘Savage’ dance and like one Doja Cat move,” Hale began, “And when I think about pronouns, my brain just shows those static, rainbow-colored bars that play on your TV when the signal goes out.”
In an attempt to spoon feed, you tell Sabrina that she can simply look at the enamel pin on your purse or your jacket’s pin. Yet, she cuts you off.
“Babe, I can’t read,” Hale assures you. “That’s why every caption of every one of my posts is just the emoji of glitter.”
We’d say Sabrina means well, but we don’t know what she means at all. When we tried to ask for her opinions on Pride month, she just started bumping her butt from side to side next to her boyfriend.
