Woman Who Yells “Eat the Rich” Getting Really Into Bridgerton

Just like everyone else these past 12 months, it’s been a weird time for me. Instead of organizing rallies for socialist causes, I’m stuck in a perpetual state of Zoom meetings, with a host seemingly allergic to the mute all button.

I’ve tried my best to stay true to my values – I threw a beer bottle in the general direction of a police station, taught my niece to call me comrade against my sister’s wishes, and bought dick chopping sized guillotine earrings off Etsy. But let’s face it, fighting the bourgeoisie is hard when you’re stuck at home. I’m not opposed to the stay-at-home order, but I am tired of the counterrevolutionary 1% that run our governments telling us they don’t like when we try to invade the governor’s mansion with pitchforks; have these tyrants ever heard of free speech?

With nothing else to do after buying GameStop stock to piss off billionaire hedge fund managers, I decided to take it upon myself to study the rich people jerk session aka Netflix’s Bridgerton. Ideologically, I’m disgusted by every part of this show. A society that reinforces purity culture and the picking of teen girls for marriage at the hands of men? It’s very obvious that the patriarchy had a hand in every part of this nightmare of a wealth disparity cautionary tale, but at this point how can I resist even the most problematic of love stories? None of us can date right now, and the only person I find myself dressing up for is the FBI agent who watches me through my laptop camera. Hi Jim, I hope you’re having a great day!

There are other aspects of the show, however, I don’t find completely morally reprehensible. There’s been lots of talk about the various sex scenes but personally, those are my favorite parts. I’m not a voyeur or anything, I just like watching the rich fuck each other rather than fucking us for a change. 

Despite my ideological issues with Bridgerton, I think there’s a lot we can take away from this series…even though I don’t care about it at all. First, that Madam Delacroix is a jealous backstabbing bitch that didn’t deserve the Fetherington’s (or anyone’s) kindness. You have a problem, “Lady Whistledown?” Only insecure shady hoes air their dirty laundry in a pamphlet. Second, I’ll also say that people with money make better TV shows than my socialist friends do. Ornate costumes and a Julie Andrews narration vs a Berkeley undergrad yelling on Youtube for 2 hours? No wonder the propagandist lizard people who run Hollywood have us by the collar.

I guess I’m looking forward to the next season… you know… for research ONLY.

Kirsten Hernandez
Author: Kirsten Hernandez
Kirsten Hernandez is a writer, activist, and occasional linguist in the Los Angeles area. When she isn’t clowning on the internet for likes, she’s likely to be tending to her multitude of dogs or overanalyzing the shit out of television shows.