Wow! This Hallmark Movie Drinking Game Makes You Take a Shot Every Time You See a White Man

‘Tis the season to be jolly and drunk! Snuggle up with your favorite ugly holiday sweater and get ready to slowly drift into oblivion in front of your laptop, alone in your apartment. Unless you’re a multimillion-dollar corporation who misused PPP loans from the government, you probably had a shitty year. This game will either help you feel numb to it all or give you a hell of a story about prank calling your local grocery delivery boy. 

Welcome to the Hallmark Xmas Movie Drinking Game! (Please have a designated sober buddy that can put a glass of water and an Aspirin bottle next to the toilet for you. PLEASE don’t die).

Prepare a glass of your favorite festive drink, or whatever liquor you can shoot straight, and take a swig every time one of these things happens. If you want to forget your name and the fact that you’re stuck inside, you’re in luck!

1. Two white people from high school fall in love even though one of them never even knew the other existed and/or hated them. 

2. White girl from the big city is going home for Christmas but just can’t get into the holiday spirit. Bonus: White man helps her get into the holiday spirit.

3. A Christmas tree gets cut down and removed from its natural habitat.

4. A scene where white people are dressed in matching holiday sweaters and/or pajamas and someone is extremely embarrassed… as they should be.

5. Someone’s ex (likely the white protagonist’s) shows up unannounced and ruins everything with the small-town boy or girl they truly want to be with, even though they don’t want to go get pizza at 3am.

6. Appearance by a high powered business white man, likely mean spirited and knows nothing about empathy or the meaning of Christmas. 

7. There’s a pet with an obnoxious bow on it for more than three seconds and it has not knocked down the tree. OR the pet knocks down the tree in which you have to take TWO shots.

8. You see a Person of Color.

(Likely not to happen, might give your liver a break)

9. Some white person is somehow the royal of a country you spend a good hour hazily looking up on Wikipedia before realizing it’s made up.

10. Someone is trying to ruin everyone’s Christmas by getting engaged or married and selfishly making the entire holiday about them. Assholes.

Niki Hatzidis is an award nominated playwright and actor living in NYC, which means she tries too much, cries a lot and laughs through everything. Usually Coffee stained and running late because of the MTA.