The audacity. The pure raging, hateful audacity of your roommate. The one who shook you to your core as you rolled out of bed at 10 AM on a Saturday, and told you brightly and boldly, “We’re going on a hike today! We’re leaving in an hour!”
Excuse me? Pardon me? How dare she! You’re half-awake, hair a mess, haven’t had your morning coffee, and she tries to get you to…climb? A mountain? For fun? Maybe she’s just one of those people, maybe she’s certifiably insane—we’ll never know. But you have to come at her with a solid response to get yourself out of this travesty. Your plan is to plant yourself on the couch and binge-watch The Undoing until your brain can’t handle Nicole Kidman anymore, but she’s being pushier than your mother asking about your dating life.
She keeps at it. She’s getting her backpack, her coat, her boots. She looks at you, excited and eager. It’s time. You look her dead in the eyes and say, “Why are you taking me on a hike? I wasn’t rude once this morning!”
Well, let me just say, she was not prepared for that retort.
“What do you mean? Hiking is fun!” she exclaims.
It’s settled. It’s a lost cause. She doesn’t understand and she never will. You are two different breeds. There are two types of people in this world—people who purposefully put their legs through hell in nature, and people who would rather strut down the city streets to “Crazy in Love” by Beyonce. You two are not the same. You just aren’t. And that’s okay. She can live a life of quiet desperation while you feel like the true queen you are. (Except maybe you shouldn’t say this to her face…just until she invites you on yet another hike.)
