Woman With Human Baby Still Considers Dog Her “Favorite Child”

Many people told me that once I gave birth to my human child, I wouldn’t be so crazy about my rescue Boston Terrier, Dublin. THOSE PEOPLE ARE LIARS. I still give him the good spot on the couch, obsess over his jowls and always refer to him as my “firstborn.” Here are some signs that you may be just as dog crazy as I am. 

1. You have a portrait of your dog somewhere in your house. Bonus points if it was commissioned on Etsy by you and not by someone else. 

2. You pay more attention to the dog bed than your own mattress. Sometimes only canine Casper will do! 

3. Your pup has a voice and you know exactly what it sounds like. Dublin is a British baritone with a bad case of vocal fry. 

4. And you have the best conversations together. In Human words. You both understand exactly what the other is saying and the tone they’re saying it in, too. 

5. You know the exact scent of your dog’s paws. Dublin? Corn chips. And if I could make a scented candle of it, I would. 

6. You’ve done a puppy DNA test and will tell anyone who comes into earshot the results. You’re great at parties. Really. 

7. Speaking of parties, you’re always trying to score an invite for the dog. And if they’re not welcome, do you even want to be there?

8. Probably not. Because you regularly cancel plans to be with your dog. There’s no better company and you’ll never get a better greeting when you enter. 

9. You see your dog in every other creature. I think Dublin is a baby seal. My husband thinks he is Steve Buscemi. We’re both right. 

10. Your dog has multiple outfits and accessories. If your dog has a hat, raincoat, or tutu? You are crushing the game. 

Look inward, if you’ve ever been to a pet psychic, compared your dog to an ex (dog clearly wins), or have more than ten nicknames for your puppers, you’re beyond a bonafide dog person. You’re infatuated. 

And it’s the very best way to be.

Susan-Kate Heaney (Los Angeles, CA) @sue_kate Susan-Kate Heaney is an actor (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, The Mindy Project, Masters of Sex), writer (multiple one-woman shows, webseries, movies) and new mom (Clover). She loves comedy and performs live often (improv, stand-up, sketch). She is the host of a podcast called "The Quirks" and spoiler alert... she has many of them. ​