According to a phone conversation you had this afternoon, your grandma was just checking in to see if you got the gift she got you for your birthday. Granted, Grandma hasn’t placed your gift in the mail yet, but she figured it’s still worth touching base about. In situations like this, grandma knows best: over-communication is key.
Over the years, your grandma’s check-ins regarding the status of her sent gifts have been coming earlier and earlier. For instance, over the holidays, when she mailed you a bundt cake, she called within two hours of it arriving on your doorstep. Since you were out of the house at the time of arrival, the call proved very confusing, as you had no idea what she was referring to. This time, for your birthday, Grandma has really out-grandma-ed herself by sending a check-in that precedes the gift altogether.
As your grandma has told you many times before, it’s bad form to receive a gift and fail to send a thank you note. In an ideal world, she says, the receiver of a gift should call the sender immediately upon receipt, and then follow up that phone call with a handwritten card. That’s right—receiving gifts from Grandma is a big responsibility that can only be paid off with a long string of humbling gestures. If it doesn’t feel like a burden, something’s off!
In the case of this gift which she hasn’t mailed yet, you haven’t properly thanked your grandma, because you didn’t want to lie. The truth is, simply, you haven’t gotten it yet. And it’s not even like it’s still in transit—it’s still sitting on her dining room table. She was staring right at it while she entered her passive-aggressive line of questioning. Yet you can’t help but wonder if this is bad etiquette on your part.
If you’re looking to rectify this situation with Grandma, here’s what you do. Ignore the standard timeline of reality—let’s assume there’s a universe out there in which Grandma’s gift has already arrived. Great! It’ll be easiest to operate under those conditions.
Now you need to thank her via all possible avenues. Call. Email. Text. Mail her a handwritten note. If she still doesn’t seem satisfied, purchase your grandma an even better gift, and ship it to her house. As soon as you ship it, call her with tracking information. Maintain an ongoing conversation for days about the shipping status of her thank you gift. After all, this is your grandma’s love language. Not “gifts,” but rather, discussing the status of gifts in transit. After years of her smothering you in this very particular kind of love, the least you can do is repay the favor.
