Author: Maya Satin
Man in His 30s Devastated to Discover Actions Have Consequences
Weeps and wails echoed through the petite Maine suburb streets. Concerned residents of Boystown peeked out of their windows, half-hidden behind their drapes, searching for…
Nintendo Confirms Yoshi Has No Asshole
Nintendo has finally put to rest one of the most hotly debated topics in all of gaming history. For 28 years, fans typed furious forum…
This American Girl Doll Comes with Her Very Own Tiny Bong
Julie, the beloved American Girl doll and Woodstock devotee, will now come packaged with a doll-sized bong. “It’s important that we here at American Girl…
EXCLUSIVE: Bob Iger Talks Zootopia Live-Action Remake
Following the roaring success of their Lion King remake, Disney has announced that they will begin filming a live-action version of Zootopia in the spring…
Woman Banned From Grocery Store for Bullying the Virgin Olive Oil
A woman was forcibly ejected from Piggly Wiggly in Milwaukee early Saturday morning after harassing a bottle of extra virgin olive oil. “So there I…
Stop Pretending: Hoodies Are Basically Just Cloaks
Hoodies, love ‘em or hate ‘em, you can’t escape ‘em. Odds are you, yes you, own a hoodie. You might even be wearing it right…
The Rumble of the Train Shaking My Love Handles is the Most Intimately I’ve Been Touched in Months
Some folks take the train to get to work. Others ride the tracks to and from their favorite bar. But for me, the train reminds…
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Gay: A Guide to the Queer Art of Power-Clashing
As a paragon of lesbianism, people ask me all the time, “Maya, how can I let the hot gay girl who makes my coffee know…