Category: NEWS
THE AMERICAN DREAM: Next Stimulus Package to Include Starbucks Gift Card and Free Tent
As the Covid crisis continues to take its financial toll on the nation, lawmakers gathered Wednesday to pass a new economic stimulus package designed to…
Local Groomzilla Devastated About Postponed Wedding After He Booked Only the Band
Local man Andre Vespo is in a state of disbelief after his wedding was postponed, due to the virus. “I had to stop playing my…
Coronavirus Overstays Its Welcome Crashing On America’s Couch
America here. I’m in a bit of a pickle. Long story short, I got involved with this virus who insisted he just needed a place…
Heartbreaking! Woman Accidentally Closes Tabs She’s Had Open for 15 Years
Harriet Blakely has a hard time letting things go, which is why it was especially traumatic when her Safari browser suddenly quit, taking with it…
Woman Startled to Discover That “Detoxing” Just Means Pooping Yourself
A local woman has revealed a groundbreaking conspiracy theory that, if believed by the masses, would likely change how many women between the ages of…
Woman Researches Founding Fathers to See If Any Actually Deserve to Be Celebrated
I have been a history buff since a very young age. And lately, with my Patriotic name, I decided to find a founding father I…
“I Can’t Believe It’s Been a Year Since My Wedding!” Says Woman Who Forgot How Time Works
At first, MaKaliegh Lynn Grosser-Beck could not believe it had been a month since she said “I do” to her best friend. According to MaKaliegh’s…
Brain Goes on Strike Until Demands of Basic Self-Care Are Met
The representatives from the Brain Union have declared that they are going to go on strike until their demands of basic self-care and nutrition are…
“My Sage Ritual Is Definitely What Has Protected Me From COVID” Says Woman With Millions of Dollars
I’ve always been an advocate of self-care. I believe it’s every individual’s responsibility to take every available step to achieve optimal wellness, even if taking…
Local Woman Enters Rigorous Training Program to Prepare Comebacks For “Next Time”
A local woman is mentally preparing day and night for a confrontation with a coworker that may never happen. Melanie Griffith, no relation to the…