In Memoriam: Buffets, Gone But Never Forgotten
Since 1946 when we were promised that for one dollar you can eat “every possible variety of hot and cold entrees to appease the howling…
Wow! This Hallmark Movie Drinking Game Makes You Take a Shot Every Time You See a White Man
‘Tis the season to be jolly and drunk! Snuggle up with your favorite ugly holiday sweater and get ready to slowly drift into oblivion in…
I Want Women to Succeed, But Only When They’re Me
Hello, my name is Bethany Snorp, and this is my proposal for a new way of living and thinking. I hope you like it very…
Shout Out to Santa Claus: The Ultimate Sugar Daddy
In the pursuit of love, everyone knows the best way to get to someone’s heart is through material goods. Many old men try to bribe…
Local Man Forgets His Own Birthday, Mad At You For Some Reason
“What the hell, babe? Why didn’t you tell me my birthday was yesterday?” cried Ryan Martin, 38, to his long-time live-in girlfriend, Jenn. Since getting…
“How Are You Doing?” to Land Differently This Holiday Season
Oh, lord almighty. You decided to do it – go home to your parents’ place for the holidays. Given COVID, you were a bit hesitant,…
I Gave Up on Learning French and Now I Have to File a Harassment Order Against the Owl From Duolingo
I, a citizen suffering from quarantine fatigue, would like to apply for an order of harassment against Duo, the owl of Duolingo. During quarantine, many…
New Studies Show 80% of People Would Rather Be Electrocuted Than Have a Complicated Grocery Transaction
In a recent psychological study at the University of Phoenix, a series of experiments were conducted to see how much physical pain people would rather…
Wow! This Woman Built a Custom Wood Side Table to Store All Her Cheap Crap
Alexandria Gerson is craftier than your average Jane. That’s why, instead of shelling out for a new side table from somewhere pricy like Crate &…
Burning This Scented Candle Makes Up For the Fact That I Haven’t Showered in Two Days
It’s COVID-19. None of us are acting the way we once did, it’s just plain fact. Your sister is drinking wine out of her daughter’s…
